Sasuke x Naruto: Usuratonkachi forgot the Lube
by HellButterflyShinigami
Summary: Naruto forgets to buy Lube for his and Sasuke's special night. What will they use instead? Will contain explicit sex between men.
1. Chapter 1

"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled as he stormed though the house, opening cupboards at random and strewing their contents on the floor. "I can't believe that you forgot the lube!"

"I'm sorry Sasuke-teme! But the store was crowed and Lee was following me, and-" he stammered before Sasuke threw a bottle of shampoo at him.

"Don't give me that shit! And stop calling me 'teme'!"

"But I like to call you that, I think that it's kinda cute," Naruto protested before he was bombarded by an assortment of ahem manly items (yes, _those_ things).

"So?! We're supposed to be lovers Naruto, not rivals anymore," said Sasuke as he went into the kitchen to sit down and think. "And you still haven't given me a good reason why you didn't buy the lube!"

"Well, I thought it was a good enough reason!" was Naruto's rather feeble defense. "What if people found out about us? We're lucky that we can live together without people suspecting anything."

"Do I look like I care what other people think about us?" asked Sasuke, a bit calmer after sampling one of his beloved tomatoes. "You don't know how many times I've thought of telling people that we're gay just so that you'd quit worrying about anyone finding out."

"Oh, yea, that wouldn't make me worry at all," he replied in as sarcastic a tone as he could manage.

Sasuke sighed. "Well, I guess that we won't use it for this once..."

"Hell no!" yelled Naruto. "The first time we did it we didn't use it hurt! I couldn't walk for days and Sakura and Kakashi got suspicious- and who could blame them? We came back from an overnight mission together and I couldn't walk..." he trailed off.

"Relax, they thought that we got into a fight, not that we had sex."

"So? It still hurt!"

"Well then it'll be your punishment for not buying it!" Sasuke yelled, slamming his fist down on the table and splattering tomato everywhere. He cursed under his breath at the mess, and got up to find a sponge, obviously annoyed.

Naruto sighed. Sasuke was always so demanding when it came to sex. Sometimes he felt more like a sex friend then a boyfriend. But he always put up with it; he too, would be that way if he were the seme. But as things were...

He walked over to the kitchen sink that Sasuke was leaning on, rubbing his temples, and wrapped his arms around Sasuke's waist. Sasuke laughed at this, and said, "Don't forget your place, Usuratonkachi. Remember that I am the seme."

"But your name is Sasuke, remember?"

Sasuke growled softly, sending chills down Naruto's spine that seemed to reside in a knot of tension at the pit of his stomach. "Ah..." he moaned softly, making Sasuke smirk slightly.

"Seeing as you can't wait much longer, we have to find something to use quickly," he said, amused at how easily Naruto got aroused. He gently removed Naruto's arms and walked over to the fridge, searching for a substitute.

Meanwhile, Naruto preoccupied himself by cleaning up the tomato that Sasuke had ruined. When he was finished some time later, he saw that Sasuke had not moved from where he was, and was standing in front of the fridge with the door open.

"What is it, Sasuke? Did you find something?" he said, walking over to where his lover was standing and peering into the fridge.

"Well, there's cottage cheese."

"Fuck no!"


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto lay on the bed he shared with Sasuke. He had finally agreed to use the cottage cheese, and Sasuke was in the adjoining bathroom, showering. _Probably shaving his balls..._he thought. _I don't put off shaving 'till right before we do it, I don't see why he does. Probably gonna use up all the shaving cream too!_He was a bit irritable about having to resort to cottage cheese during their 'special time'. He was also a little nervous. What if it blocked up his anus, and resulted in very uncomfortable constipation?

Finally, Sasuke emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered, cottage cheese and a spoon in hand.

Naruto sat up, asking: "Done shaving your penis?" An angry glare was his answer.

Smirking, Naruto watched while Sasuke opened the new container of cottage cheese, scooped some up into the spoon, and took a large bite. Naruto just stared at the oddly arousing sight.

"Want some?" offered Sasuke, who had noticed (and misread) his stares.

"Okay", he replied as he opened his mouth for the spoon that Sasuke held out to him. Again, it was slightly provocative.

Sasuke, noticing Naruto's _arousal_, smirked, and leaned in for a kiss.

Naturally, that kiss progressed into what of the majority of my audience came here for: _**hot gay sex**_.

Since we all already know this, why don't we just skip it, and go straight to the most important scene, hu?

Of course, if I did that, the majority of you all you would immediately go back two pages previous, and select some other gay porno to view.

So in order to retain an audience, the sex scene of this weird-gay-porn-story will be included. Remember, this is more for me, not you. I am exceedingly selfish and do not care about you at all. This is for my sake, not yours. Now here you go:

Through the duration of that kiss, they managed to take off their pants, and unbutton their shirts. How they did so is a mystery.

They moaned and they groaned, as Naruto, now on top, ground their hips together.

They sweat and they relent, as Sasuke up-righted himself and started kissing again while massaging Naruto's genitals.

They panted and oh, how they chanted (things like "Sasuke! Sasuke! I love you! I love you!" and "Naruto! Naruto! I love you too!" which would have made a lot more sense if they hadn't been saying their own names. Any observer would remark on the extreme narcissism of the current dialogue.), as Sasuke flipped Naruto over on his hands and knees and rubbed his erection first against and between his thighs, and then up against Naruto's penis.

Ah, but this felt so good for Naruto. The friction, the hardness, the way they were pressing against each other as if their skin was preventing them from connecting more fully- this was what sex was Sasuke was like. Pure bliss. Naruto could never think of anything during sex- except of course, how good it felt. (Exempt for that one time that they _didn't_ use lube. Then the only thing going through Naruto's mind was how he was going to someday force Sasuke to take it without any preparation in payback.)

As all of this went through Naruto's head, things in the real world were progressing erotically. Sasuke had begun kissing Naruto's neck, with his tongue pocking slightly out to trail over his skin. Now he was sucking the crock between neck and shoulder, while holding Naruto under the arms, Now he was leaning back, supported against the bed frame, and his hands had moved down Naruto's back to grope at supple (yes, I used that word) checks, while sucking and biting Naruto so hard that the boy would have yelped in pain if he was in any state to feel anything but pure bliss. Now his squeezes and gropes were accompanied with firm pushing and pulling, forcing the two to grind harder against each other, while his rough, dry, sandpaper tongue licked the length of Naruto's neck, and continued under the chin and was withdrawn momentarily before being launched into Naruto's gaping, gasping mouth, to lunge rhythmaticly in tune with the pace the two were going at.

Naruto was still out, and all he could see, all he could feel, all he knew was nothing. Just a pure blankness of the sort one might see after closing his or her eyes- except it was warm and not as lonely, and oddly reminded him of cherry trees in full bloom one a sunny, golden-pink rosy day.

And so he could not feel what was coming on.

During all of that explanation of Naruto's white-cherry-blossom-filled-golden-fluffy-petals-falling-lovey-dovey-dove vision (which sounds alarmingly like something produced from a hallucinogen), Sasuke had guided Naruto into a position on his hands and knees, with his rear in the air, displaying a femininely-curving back.

_Comic twisting sounds... _

Sasuke had begun applying the cottage cheese, which made such disgustingly (to him it sounded arousing) wet noises as it was spooned (oh, ha ha ha, not that kind) onto Naruto's raised 'gluteus maximus'. He began to massage it into Naruto's opening.

_A sound like a cork being pulled out of a bottle... _

Sasuke leaned in for a quick lick before putting it in...

_A noise so rude and obnoxious that it put all rude and obnoxious little brothers to shame..._

Naruto, having mistaken that blissful release for an ejaculation, moaned and sat up.

"Ahh..."

When he saw Sasuke, still leaning forward, with a speck of cottage cheese trailing down his nose, his face collapsed into comic horror.

_He had farted in Sasuke's face!_


End file.
